Relationship Jokester Gifts

'We need something for his verbal incontinence. He has a blather control problem.'

'How about some marital counselling, hon? Should we grab some while we're in this aisle?' 'No, we're fine on that.'

'They were all out of roses.'

'Women are so illogical! -- first she says she wouldn't touch me with a ten-foot pole, and then she punches me in the nose!'

'What did you say, dear? -- I wasn't paying attention.'

'Well, you can't say I never give you anything!'

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

'Give over, Shirley. Can't you see I'm trying to read?'

Old man - 'Who are you?' Glamorous lady - 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

'You know perfectly well why I keep blocking your pop-ups.'

'Not again?! Honey, let your assistant do the shredding.'

Tit for tat.

'Why can't you just think irrationally every once in a while?'

"I need a man transplant."

'Remind me - have you slipped into something more comfortable, or out of something more comfortable?'

'I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying if you're RIGHT, I'm a Dutch uncle.'

The Wedding Painter

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Home for sale (husband and TV included).

'Would you like some DNA for your birthday?'

"Please yourself, I'll add salt if you like but I'm only dyeing a pair of socks..."

"Oh man...I'm so sorrry...I just keep thinking that someday, we'll be together... But, it's totally wrong to assume all my dreams will come true."

"Have you told your dad about your new boyfriend?"

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"You're a dog person, aren't you?"

"Disgusting! Those two just took a roll in the hay!"

"And doctor, by excruciating pain, I am, of course, referring to my wife."

Although not under the covers, a mime husband's fart inside an invisible box is still considered a Dutch oven.

"Well, he is at the age now here the repairs are starting to happen. Very quickly the cost exceeds the benefit. You better think about a new one."

Colin believed that the first date was the best time to clear up any possible future misunderstandings.

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"When I'm with you, Ted, I feel dirty."

"You never listen to a word I think."

"Some days I wake up grumpy. Other days, I let him sleep."

"They say you're supposed to listen to what your body is telling you."