Relationship Humor Connoisseur Pillows

"I'm always recovering from the previous ten minutes of my existence."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"First date hairball... awkward."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"He's a guard dog."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation