Relationship Guide T-Shirts

'Of course I can make a commitment. I'm committed to my job, I'm committed to the constitution and I'm committed to my golf game.'

In the Guru District

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'You know too much!'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

Relationship Warning Lights

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"I think we'd make a good team!"

Couples' therapy

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'