Relationship Planning T-Shirts

'I can't get involved with you, Donald, unless I have an exit strategy.'

In the Guru District

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

When Ted and Nancy would dance, it was as if they were the only couple on the floor....

Life is for the birds.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"You do like octopus?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Romance

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Right click for yes...

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"