Rehydration Realist Pillows

"Plastic novelty squirty flower ... ! Plastic novelty squirty flower ... !"

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Tough day at the office! Somebody broke the water cooler!'

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"I'm addicted to water."

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"There! Now let's hear no more noise about wanting a glass of water!"

'They had a sale on electric green.'

"Didn't we have a door over there?"

'Do you have bottled spring water?'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

Water: the first medicine

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'So we meet again...'

'You know, I think this is my most boring reincarnation ever!'

Man being splashed by cold water under Drive Thru sign that says 'Quick Refresher'.

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Crawling Marathon.

Company watercooler with a sign next to it: Is This Trip Necessary?

Caution: Jogger Makes Frequent Bathroom Stops

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

Cactus Fountain

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"That? Oh, that's the contractor insult tax. We add that to the invoice when a customer treats us as if we're somehow constantly contriving to rip them off."