Regional Recipe Defender Gifts

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

Blog Breakdown

Boy defends his last fry.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Say it with Pierogies"

Paul Bocuse caricature

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

"I dreamed that butter and sugar and eggs came back, and we all made cookies."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'This week, the secret ingredient on Iron chef is . . . Iron. Good luck, suckas.'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

''Pop'? In my part of the country they're called a 'Soda-Tart'.'

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

Mom & Dad Recipe Corner

Pizza Fencing

"Looks like the universe isn't the only thing that' s expanding!"

'Well, I'm sorry. But your mother criticized my chicken casserole one too many times.'

Wild Irv Moskowitz, the meanest deli-man in the West.

"Who's going to carve?"

Papi's idea of a good father vs. Baldo's idea of a good father: dinner plans.

'I excuse my weight by saying I'm eating for three. Unfortunately, the twins were born months ago.'

"Peanut butter and jelly...simple...delicious... why didn't I think of that?"

"Here's a dish I used to cook for my late husband. If you want to try it just follow the recipe, but ignore the part where it mentions a pinch of arsenic."

Chef's duel.

"Aha! I found the bug! The company that makes this herbalized soda has been stealing my recipes!"

A chocolate tart topped with lingonberries and infused with belligerent self-confidence.

Eggnog recipes

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

"You claim you're not cheating on your diet, Mr. Parker. But how do you explain this recent weight gain?"

'How much for the recipe?'