Reel Jokester Pillows

'So who needs sonar?!'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Beat it! Here comes the major and his entire staff!"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'Classical music, huh?...You mean like Elvis?'

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You should see a doctor. Maybe you have that West Nile thing.'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

"I'm very highly strung!"

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Gang of Musicians

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

Interrupted Shower.

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Cowvid-19

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

"What's my laptop. Your old room is now the computer room."

It's a Four Seasons sleeping bag.

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."