Red Wine Collector T-Shirts

'Twenty-five years for buying a Chateau Beychevelle from out-of-state: On the bright side, when you get out, it'll be ready to drink.'

'A cheeky red?'

Wine Lady

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'Al, that hopeless romantic, sends me love letters written in wine. I just wish he'd use red instead of white.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

'They say you have to drink 4 times as much merlot as pinot noir to get the same level of anti-oxidants. Isn't that just too, too bad?'

Redhead

true love.

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"Quick swig first?"

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Portfolio, 2011

Red Wine

Wine tasting

The Stages of Wine

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'