Red Flag Seeker Pillows

"I'm playing this name game called 'How many red flags can you ignore until you wake up to find you're married to a sociopath?'"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Nope, I still only have one bar."

Man Fishing: Pulling sign attached to hook from fish out of water: Gone Swimmin'

"They want to put up a new cell tower in our neighbourhood?! We don't need more of those radio emission eyesores here! I'm gonna complain... ...as soon as I have better signal strength."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

Exit only.

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'You don't think you're just a tad overprotective?'

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

"What's the problem? I said dinner and a movie."

"Are there any extra crew on board? He still looks hungry."

You Are Here...Your Nearest Wi-FI Signal Is Here.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Do you ever get this weird, primitive yearning to sit behind a large block of wood?'

Driver at Grand Prix shooting another driver with the cork from champagne

'Just putt the dang ball, already!'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

A safe is about to fall on an unsuspecting man interested in risk-free investments.

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes

Maybe next tiime you'll hand in the risk assessment on time

Last Reception for 200 Miles.

"I remodelled, but I left it so that when danger threatens I can still take refuge in the redoubt."

Turtle crashes, deploys airbag.

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

"Oh, I listen to my body at meal time, but the messages aren't clear because its mouth is full!"

"Ideally we're keen to go somewhere that they're not trying to kill us."