Red Carpet Roller Pillows

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Witch dice.

Destination casinos...

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

Essex computer.

Oscars acceptance speech.

Beware of stimulus plans.

"Sometimes we all feel like we've been tossed. You just have to roll with it."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

Oscars

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'And who are you wearing?'

A woman bows to the crowd

Carpet cleaner.

"Wow, an African Blackwood cat-flap and a red carpet! They must really love you!"

'You like my in-tray full, don't you?'

Carpet

Cannes Film Festival Heels Controversy

Monolithopoly.

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."