Red Carpet Pundit Pillows

Lena Headey

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

"Hello. I'm director Bob ('Blue Fires') Munsey and this is screenwriter Doris ('Highway to Nowhere') Winslow."

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

Official Rhetoric About Leakers and Whistleblowers, Translated

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

The big questions in life.

"Chills, Randy. I feel chills. And I can't move." "And I can't remember the last time my palms were this sweaty." "This must've been what people felt like when they heard the Allies were finally invading Normandy on D-Day." "No way any movie can live up to this hype." "Wolverine day is almost upon us." "We are about to embark upon the great crusade..."

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

Oscars

"I'm wearing Donna Karan."

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"

'Too many students taking Mickey Mouse subjects.'

Don Jr.

"Mom, can I obliterate New Jersey? Pleeease, mom?"

'And who are you wearing?'

'She'll be back!!!'

Jude Law.

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

Emma Thompson

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."