Romantic Pundit Pillows

'Does this say 'transitional husband' to you?'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"We've discovered they mate for life, as long as they don't discuss politics."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

Tunnel of Like.

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'I love you, Howard, but let's not jump to conclusions.'

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

John Barth wrote "Everyone is necessarily the hero of his own life story." That he did, little buddy. But what if a person spends most of his life watching tv, films, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, etc? What if my -- I mean, this person's -- life story is watching other people's life stories? Does that make other people the hero of this person's story? Sometimes I don't know where I end and Kanye begins. That'd be somewhere around Kim Kardashian.

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

"Now you're just being a jerk!"

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Or...we could suggest a three-way."

'For the last time, Butchie, I love you but I'm not in love with you.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'I have a master's in 17th century Dutch feminist poetry, but I've never really used it.'

Homophone Encounter

The stone is semi-precious, so I got you two.

Dating in 2020

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

The big questions in life.

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

'Bradley is a strict vegetarian. Do you have broccoli flavored lipstick?'

'Marriage might suck the life out of our relationship.'