Recruiter Gifts

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

'First off, there's no 'y' in resume...'

"You said I'd be part of a team."

'It helps to be a little crazy to work here, but you're overqualified.'

'How long have you been unemployed? I have never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"Welcome abroad, Andrews. Now just see personnel on twelve, and antlers on fifteen."

"You'll work nights and the pay is garbage."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'So I looked at your Facebook page...oh man...there's no way you're getting this job!'

'That's true. We did advertise for someone who 'works well under pressure'...'

'We're looking for managers that demonstrate high levels of emotional intelligence. Here, please try on this mood ring.'

"Sorry, you are simply not the right man for the job."

'When I asked if you were flexible, Mrs. Harkness, I was asking about your hours!'

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

"Any other strengths?"

"The salary is negotiable, take it or leave it."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'

'We're wondering whether you'd fit into our corporate culture!'

'My strength lies in my ability to deny my weaknesses.'

'We're looking for someone with your exact qualifications, but a mechanical version.'

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

"The bunny did not get the job because the bunny is cute. The bunny got the job because the bunny knows WordPerfect."

"I see you've come prepared for an in-depth interview."

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

'You're exactly the kind of applicant we're looking for.'

'We value emotional intelligence over regular old intelligence, so there's still some hope for you.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"Remember when I said I was going to be honest with you, Jeff? That was a big, fat lie."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'