Recruiting Gifts

'This is more precise than objectively reviewing resumes.'

'I think I'm right for this job because I'm a real people person. Now, are you going to hire me or not? I don't have all freakin' day!'

HR worker wading through CV's.

'We've been looking to hire some young brains.'

'Obviously, I know a lot of weasel words, so I would be great in a business development role...'

'If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities.'

"Yes, crazy does sometimes beat sane... but rarely during a job interview."

'Let me guess - You want to be a helicopter pilot?'

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Actually, what we're really looking for is still light years away.'

This is classical in hiring: she's trying to unsettle the candidate to find out how he reacts point blank to the unexpected.

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

'Publish or perish doesn't apply to coaching, Yomp - it's recruit, recruit, win, win, win!'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"I know you went to Harvard, but stop asking to see my resume."

Problem Solver Wanted

"No, I'm sorry, we're looking for special people."

"It's a fantastic character reference..."

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

'If at first you don't succeed...have you ever thought of becoming a personnel officer?'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'It says here that you're very observant.'

'I'm good at making people feel comfortable, Ozzie.'

"We're having to go further than EVER to get the right people!"

"Norman doesn't like any loose ends in his contracts, he likes everything tied up tight...it can be a problem..."

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"Who are you hiring? The one whose CV has spelling errors, food stains or printed using a dot-matrix printer?"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Well, it was a tough decision, Doug, but we've decided to go with Doug."

"As a matter of a fact we ARE recruiting new interns."

"According to your resumé, Jack, you're all work and no play. We like that."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....