Recovering Patient Gifts

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'When I said 'We got everything,' I was referring to your bank account...'

'By 'fight the good fight' I don't mean you fight against it.'

'Doctor says you should to learn to relax and not point a toy gun at police.'

I'll release you when you're able to pass gas. I'll be in tomorrow to pull your finger.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Social distancing

Be Healthy

Cardiac Recovery.

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Let's consider an early dive."

"We thought we would come somewhere remote to self-isolate."

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

I should probably get out more.

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."