Recovering Patient Gifts

'Ok, Ms. Feldman, it says on your chart that you were discharged yesterday.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'When I said 'We got everything,' I was referring to your bank account...'

'By 'fight the good fight' I don't mean you fight against it.'

'Doctor says you should to learn to relax and not point a toy gun at police.'

I'll release you when you're able to pass gas. I'll be in tomorrow to pull your finger.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Covid Inquiry / Enquiry

Social distancing

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

Be Healthy

"Let's consider an early dive."

Cardiac Recovery.

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"We thought we would come somewhere remote to self-isolate."

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

I should probably get out more.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

Woman in hospital has i.v. attached to plant.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'