Record Store Regular T-Shirts

"Excuse me, but you're standing in the way of progressive."

Record department with rock, crossover and classical sections.

"I prefer his later stuff"

Paul Simon- Live and Timid

'I love Brahms' 2nd Symphony in A minor, especially the part where it pauses and the voice says, 'Please hold for the next available broker'.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"And would you like flies with that?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

I wish I'd had the review.

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'