Receiving A Teaching Diploma T-Shirts

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

A Puppet Named Juan

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

'What's play?'

Graduates on their phones

The best PE teacher in the World.

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Staff Yearbook

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

GLAD-YOU-ATION

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

The Ideal Teacher.

'Could I see you after class?'

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

Anatomy 101. No the "artery" does not have little paintings on it!

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

Gorillas Learn to Read.

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

"Alice, please! You're a practice teacher! At some point I have to leave you alone with them!"

Teacher with work box: 'You could do better work.'

"You know how it goes: Those who can, do, those who can't, teach..."

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"

'I don't suppose any of you wee bams know how spell, 'mutual respect.''

"I may have to go back into the office - we're running low on stationery."