Obtaining Teaching Certification T-Shirts

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"

A Puppet Named Juan

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

'What's play?'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

The best PE teacher in the World.

Staff Yearbook

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

'Good luck with your exams' (mountain climbers).

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

'Could I see you after class?'

Gorillas Learn to Read.

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

Anatomy 101. No the "artery" does not have little paintings on it!

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

"Alice, please! You're a practice teacher! At some point I have to leave you alone with them!"

Teacher with work box: 'You could do better work.'

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

"You know how it goes: Those who can, do, those who can't, teach..."

"I figured by not doing my homework I'd lighten your workload by giving you one less paper to correct."

'I think it needs more punctuation.'