Graduating With A Teaching Degree T-Shirts

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

A Puppet Named Juan

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

'What's play?'

The best PE teacher in the World.

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

Staff Yearbook

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

Multiplication. This "multiplication table" thing, has it been peer reviewed?

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

The Ideal Teacher.

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

'Could I see you after class?'

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

Anatomy 101. No the "artery" does not have little paintings on it!

Gorillas Learn to Read.

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

"Alice, please! You're a practice teacher! At some point I have to leave you alone with them!"

'I don't suppose any of you wee bams know how spell, 'mutual respect.''

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"