Graduating With A Teaching Degree Pillows

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

A Puppet Named Juan

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

'What's play?'

The best PE teacher in the World.

Staff Yearbook

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

"Today in class we're going to create a physics teacher."

'To them, capital punishment means making them use proper capitalization.'

"If you do well in your first practicum, you can move on to teaching real children."

"Hey, you guys, don't you remember? The big word here is 'compromise.' "

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

'New career low - gave out a page of Ulysses to my freshmen and they thought it was a wordsearch.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"The STEM program has many advantages: you can invent stuff, you can use great equipment...but let's talk about the great cafeteria food."

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Intellectual bigotry...Go ahead, blaspheme my holy scriptures, the media loves it...'

"Remember double negatives are a complete no-no."

"Memorizing the multiplication table is NOT brainwashing!"

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

First addition, then subtraction, then multiplication, and now this! Where is it all going to end?"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

The Ideal Teacher.

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

'Could I see you after class?'

Gorillas Learn to Read.

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

'You must be the new hire. Welcome aboard. Here's our prepackaged curriculum. If time permits, encourage critical thinking.'

"Alice, please! You're a practice teacher! At some point I have to leave you alone with them!"

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

"You know how it goes: Those who can, do, those who can't, teach..."

"If your certificate is removed, are you unable to teach?"