Reality Show Critic Prints

'How long is this 'walk of fame'... We're into reality stars now.'

"What I don't understand is why people waste their time writing when they might not get published,."

I wonder what it says about our society that we consider reality shows escapist entertainment.

'No, I've never been in a TV reality show. My reality is pretty well scripted by my wife, kids and boss.'

'Congratulations on reaching the grand final, how does it feel to be the biggest loser of all time?'

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"There are just so many 'reality' shows on TV, that they don't seem real anymore."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

'Bloody streakers - they have a lot to learn.'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Can't Touch This

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"Am I through to the next round?"

America's funniest election gaffes

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Derren Brown: Pushed to the Edge

Can't Touch This

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Christmas TV...

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

I can now come clean. The person who secretly told me that Mitch McConnell loves Dr. Pimple Popper is … Hold it! Hold it? Commercial break. Nothing' says sexy like cholesterol.