Reality Check Survivor T-Shirts

"He just realized that Ken Burns will never make a ten-part series on any aspect of his life."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

Complexity Made Simple.

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

"You know you're in trouble when you stop praying for the answers and start begging."

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

'DO we have a Math test today?'

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

'Don't give up the day job...'

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'