Realistic Observers Gifts

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

The Three Kinds of People

Magic Act

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

'You're King Kong? You look bigger in the movies.'

Maternity Hospital

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

Mice 25¢

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

A spider meal prepping

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

"I'm worried about Junior... all he wants to do is kill things."

'Going bald isn't all bad - just think, you'll never have dandruff again!'

'What part of 'nature' do you not get?'

Oculist.

First Contact

What late birds do.

I'm Going For A Job As A Coat Hangar.

"After I had my eyes lasered, the people down there stopped looking like ants. Plump, furry and delicious little rodents, yes, but not ants!"

'It's just not fair: As soon as I start making new friends, we have to migrate again...'

'She's not describing the one that got away, she's describing the flasher she just saw in the bushes.'

"Forget about a vacation at the beach: Fish would stop us from going in the water and seagulls would spot us on the beach..."

"At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we shall remember them."

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

"Exactly how far does the tide go out as Southend."

'Good memory. Now turn around and let's try it again. I've put the chart on the opposite wall since your last visit.'