Real Estate Salesperson Gifts

"Three bedrooms, living room, dining room, and a little room to negotiate."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Toadstools