Real Estate Raconteur Gifts

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'Well, our house was worth £350k when the bank repossessed it.'

"That's not damp- it's a water feature."

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

Travellers with a developer: 'I see ski slopes.'

The stages of gentrification: a guide

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.

Somewhere in France: "I thought I was buying goat cheese. I endedup with a chateau in the Loire."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Who Let the Dawg In?

Emigrating to France.

A large bird house with many compartments; one is labeled "Sup't.".

"At last we own our own apartment. I feel like a king."

Mouse real estate!

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

"I couldn't keep up the payments."

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'Commerical real estates' man excited by peak in sleeping 'Rental rates' monitor