Real Estate Investing Gifts

'I tried flipping my house, and it flipped me back!'

"Now I know this one's expensive, but just think how much negative equity you'll have to brag about when the market crashes."

'Forget what it looks like now. Think of what it will look like after you've put 10 years of loving care and back-breaking labor into it.'

"Wow—the house I was using as a hideout has tripled in value since I was arrested."

"The floors are hot lava, but the apartment does come furnished with plenty of pillows."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

Unreal Estate Investing

"We specialise in affordable housing - affordable for oil shieks, oligarchs and the heads of colombian cartels..."

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

Melting Greenland Ice to cause sea levels to rise by 1 foot...

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

Profit

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'