Ready Meal Connoisseur T-Shirts

'The only frozen asset I have is this ready meal...'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Regular service or affected?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Quick swig first?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

WAITING ROOM

Big Burgers.

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

The Waiter

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."

"This wine is CORKED!"

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Ça suffit, good buddy!"

"Got anything not so close to the kitchen?"

"No thanks. I had a cracker in April."

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."

"Would you like to see the wine list?"