Ready Meal Connoisseur T-Shirts

'The only frozen asset I have is this ready meal...'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Regular service or affected?"

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Quick swig first?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Both the wine and I need to breathe, Albert."

"I see you've discovered the heirloom Twinkies."

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

"Didn't I say you'd be the only man not wearing a bow tie?"

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

'The bouquet is reminiscent of rubber nose - but then, it always is...'

"Would you like to see a dessert menu or do you not need a little treat after each meal?"

The Waiter

WAITING ROOM

Big Burgers.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

"Got anything not so close to the kitchen?"

"This wine is CORKED!"

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"So, our holiday was cancelled but at least our tastebuds can still go to Italy."

"No thanks. I had a cracker in April."

"Ça suffit, good buddy!"

'I am not saying you have to give up all sea food...just shrimp!'

"One man's dirty water is another man's Earl Grey."

"Do you want the rest of this mouse? It tastes gamey to me."

"This place is slipping. The 'Chef's Surprise' looks more like a cook's confusion."