Ready-for-anything Cook T-Shirts

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Children's Feast.

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

Holiday Supplies

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'The TZ90C with triple boosted propane burners and a titanium mesh grill with carbon fibre casings is the only way to guarantee that genuine back to nature outdoor flavour.'

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

Amy Sedaris

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Beat 3,000 eggs and add one quart of 10-30W oil? So much for putting my recipes on the computer.'

"Patience, you can have it back in a minute..."

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

"When a man is tired of pasta, sir, he is tired of life. Dr. Johnson."

This could be a whole new look for you, Harold!

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

'Sir, this chicken is improperly dressed!'

Noodle exchange program.

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"I like that you all brought enthusiasm, but did anyone bring food?"

'Hoopla!'

Pizza, the CD

"I don't tell you how to gather."

'It looks exactly like the picture in the recipe book except for the burnt bits.'

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

"Latest in Microwave Technology."

'I thought I'd try making marmalade. Do we have any marmals?'

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

'And how EXACTLY am I supposed to peel the carrots when we don't even have an electronic multiblade adjustable potato peeler?'

Home on the Range.

"I'm gonna throw this in her direction...just to give her a little scare!"

"I'm not going to sit here and take orders from a taco!"

The Iron Chef at home