Reading Sports Statistics Pillows

"1-1"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Footballer and Bacteria.

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

You're just reading the stuff scrolling across the bottom...

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

Pitching guidelines

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

'Everyone left, and it's only the second inning. We should have asked them who's going to win.'

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

"I'd feel more comfortable if you'd use diplomacy."

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

Psychic Night: Predict the Score, Get In Free.

Women's Football

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

Game Of Chance and Game of Skill.

"You can't call it a work station unless you actually do some work."

"The combined total of major-league batting averages was down three and a half points today. Outs outnumbered hits four to one, on a total of fourteen hundred at-bats."