Reading Sports Statistics Pillows

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

"1-1"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Footballer and Bacteria.

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

More Fifa officials indicted over bribery scandal

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

"He left behind a wife, three kids, and the number one rated fantasy football quarterback."

'If you look closely at the CAT scan, you can see a tiny area of normal brain activity. Otherwise, he's got nothing but a headful of useless sports statistics.'

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

You're just reading the stuff scrolling across the bottom...

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

"Johnson breaks record so obscure even nerds don't care."

Pitching guidelines

'Where's the evidence keeping us out?'

'Everyone left, and it's only the second inning. We should have asked them who's going to win.'

'He's tiring? What happened to round four 'he's ready to go!'?'

"He's having a terrific year - four dinosaurs, three brontosaurs, and five tyrannosaurs so far."

Women's Football

F&E CPAs. There's about a month until taxes are due. I like our new business doing the tax returns for athletes. The tennis player is over the net income target he set. Capitol gains were earned by the Washington Nationals baseball player. What about the hockey player who only scores goals on deflections? Let's call it "tip income"! And the speed eater who consumes dozens of hot dogs in minutes? Well, that's "really gross income."

"I'd feel more comfortable if you'd use diplomacy."

'Oh, I hate sport too, but I just love reading the statistics...'

Psychic Night: Predict the Score, Get In Free.

'I'm sure that last ball was lbw.'

"You can't call it a work station unless you actually do some work."

Game Of Chance and Game of Skill.