Reading Sports News Prints

'Where's the evidence keeping us out?'

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

No Baseball

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Rollerblader wears a cast and has wheels on crutches

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

'Our sabermetrics guy has confirmed that last year's team that went 60-102 was bad.'

'No, I haven't heard the score of the football game.'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'A ground ball to deep short, handled beautifully by Santana...'

Mudville

Baseball Cheating

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

'The stock market closed early today due to an outbreak of 'altitude sickness'.'

'... And now, the sports gossip.'

Doping

More Fifa officials indicted over bribery scandal

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Matsuzaka has an ERA of 3.88, yet Francona’s starting Schilling. Doesn’t that seem counterintuitive to you?"

"According to the statistics more people look at cricket statistics then watch the game."

"Now your expenses have been capped, will you be opening some of those wage packets?"

"How do you respond to critics who say you only play the backcourt?"

"And in an amazing development today, Oxford has failed to qualify for the boat race."