Reading Christmas Stories Pillows

The three semi-wise men actually rode alpacas and carried knitted gifts of sweaters, sox and underwear to the arid desert village of Bethlehem...

"I'm the spirit of Christmas Present."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'Where were the wise women?'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

Papa, how come Rudolph has a red nose? Because he's a drunk, son. Plain and simple.

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

"He was going to buy. Why'd you tell him it was made with real gingerbread?"

'Why miniature reindeer? Why not a flying dog-sled team?'

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

While Shepherds watched their flocks by night

Slay Ride.

'It doesn't say anything about gift tax, son. It just says the Magi came bearing gifts.'

The three wise cats were bearing slightly less practical gifts.

'My dad, says you're not the real Santa. He said, you're just some fella off the dole.'

Christmas Tree Decorated with Books.

"I'm getting a CAT scan after Christmas."

"It's time we have a little chat."

"He's in an H.M.O. Get some of the King's horses and a few of the King's men."

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

"Thank you for the best Christmas ever. - Gracie"

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

The oft-forgotten Three Old Wines who didn't quite manage to follow the star.

Santa Claus

Twas 6 days before Christmas when Santa heard a ker-plunk! He rushed to the door, and found the ice cap had shrunk...

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

Santa's Little Enablers

"I'm the ghost of Christmas past and future because time has no meaning anymore."

"I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy." "Our only hope."

'...Santa delivers to Yorkshire first...everybody else has to wait because they're not as good.'

"Hey boy! Hey! Hey! Hey! Are those earbuds? Hey!!"

'Are you nuts? -- Santa's secret identity is MY dad!'