Reading About Workplaces Pillows

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"My email is down... talk to me."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Do Not Resuscitate

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I hate performance review season."

'What's wrong now?'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

National Boss Monument.

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."