Reading About Workplaces T-Shirts

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"Staff support"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."