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'Hmph! Another programme trying to grab ratings'

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'What does it say, Dad?'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I like an attentive lover, but these feedback forms are ridiculous."

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"I've never, ever taken you for granted, Ingrid."

"But this book is just the alphabet all jumbled up..."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Dalrymple came to us from the public sector.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"For five starts it's worth the trip."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"All parents fight."

"It says here we should get a lodger."

Four Star Meal

Note to viewers: we've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

When boomerangs argue.

'Muriel and I were like two ships passing in the night -- I was boarded, plundered, and scuttled!'

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ah-ha! Just in time to make my dinner!"