Rant Aficionado T-Shirts

"I suggest you air your woes through the media."

"You're not going to go into one of your nit-picking, hotheaded, bowgun-hating rants, are you?"

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

Clown's Comedy Fart.

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

Men's fragrances...

Mantis Love

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

"I've seen a tulip before."

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

The day wasps discovered there's something about an Aqua Velva Man.

Bonsai Exhibit

''Spiced mill cider and home made apple pie.' Am I supposed to freshen the room with this or have it for dessert?'

"A little lamb please."

'I'm developing a foot fetish.'

'Rodney! You take one more step in that direction and we're through!'

A shop is called 'Garnishes: Top Meals in Tough Times'.

"It's our latest celebrity scent, it's called Elon Musk. It smells like money!"

"Oh Darling, you're spoiling me! I've never tried tropical fish!"

'He's not getting lucky tonight. He smells too good.'

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

'Nothing to give him an excuse to say I smell like a cemetery'

I can't bear to be without you.

Topiary: When the written word isn't enough

'I even love the way you snore!'

'Wow, 600 lbs of dark chocolate signals that you won't mind my inevitable obesity.'

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

'Say what you like about the All Black scrum, but it's clearly the most fragrant and well groomed in the modern game.'

'You are very deer to me.'

'They go on a lot of picnics.'

Can I get you another coffee?

Try to extinguish the potting shed...brush wood ash into a neat pile - it will make valuable plant food.

"I do a lot for charity but I don't like to talk about it. . ."

(Pirate about rat): 'We became buddies when they threw me in the hole.'