Railway Critics Pillows

'Gareth used to commute by train but he finds it a lot cheaper that way.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

A trevor of trainspotters

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Latest Railway Marvel.

'Welcome! You are now in Shambles!'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

"The cost of HS2 was 115 billion, but that was when we started the interview. It's 130 now!"

Sushi Train Spotters

Run from the hills!

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

Ticket machine costing an arm and a leg.

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

S**t Creek Halt

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

HS2 time bomb...

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

Executive Lifestyle

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

What Holds the Subway Together?

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

'it's a special for nostalgia buffs.'

"I'm ringing you because there's nobody in the carriage to annoy..."

Railway 'King' George Hudson

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."