Railway Controller Pillows

"For a moment. I lost my thought of train."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

A trevor of trainspotters

'This Mouse is going to be huge!'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

HS2

Run from the hills!

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

HS2 time bomb...

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Snail crossing

S**t Creek Halt

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

'it's a special for nostalgia buffs.'

Desert Island Roundabout

The 6.06 to Brighton overshoots the buffers

'Deer and Game Crossing'.

Railway 'King' George Hudson

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

Executive Lifestyle

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'

What Holds the Subway Together?

Pound sign on rail tracks.

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

Railway Map of England (A Prophecy)

'If you want to know the exact fare you need to buy a ticket. Our prices are linked to the FTSE 100.'