Railroad Pillows

"The old ghost train wasn't scary enough."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Excuse me, I think you'll find I've reserved that luggage rack space ..."

A trevor of trainspotters

'Have you been waiting long?'

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

HS2

Rail travel - the environmental alternative (that sometimes doesn't allow bikes)

Run from the hills!

An Appreciation

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

S**t Creek Halt

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

HS2 time bomb...

'You can see the excuses in the news now, it will be 'The wrong sort of rain'!'

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

An old gentleman speaking with a shoeblack at a train station

"They call me the king of railroad salvage - 'they' being my wife, actually."

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

Isambard Kingdom Brunel.

'Arrivals and Departures - this railroad governed by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle'

Coupler Counselling

'I know it's harrowing and distressing, but please Mr. Benson, tell me again about your daily train journey to work.'

"Please mind the gap between the train timetable and reality."

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

'Well, if they don't go chuff chuff anymore. . . how do they go?'

'It's so called because I expect the ticket prices to rocket!'

Railway 'King' George Hudson

What Holds the Subway Together?

"Kevin's job as a train announcer seriously affected his love-life..."

'it's a special for nostalgia buffs.'