Raffle Enthusiast Pillows

'Before you get upset - maybe he's selling tickets for something.'

'Could I interest you in some of my son's school raffle tickets?'

"Nothing says 'Teacher Appreciation' like an administrator winning the raffle."

"Hang on Bill, don't draw yet: there seems to be a late entry..."

Giant Raffle

'Well, did you win anything in your firm's Christmas raffle luv?'

'Guess what,Doris- I've won you a grass strimmer!'

"Guess who won the meat tray raffle?"

"Well there's a surprise. For the tenth year running the first prize of a deluxe round-the-world cruise goes to the mayor."

"Guess what we won in the raffle at the Zoo!"

Hacking through ice in order to fish

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

'I can't figure out why I keep getting wind knots.'

Shore fishing requires threading the needle.

Man indignant at having caught no fish

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

Four fishermen catch the same fish.

'The children are leaving the nest, honey! They're not diving in the Olympics...That was at leas a 6.5 by the way.'

A man with a rake on a desert island

A Message from Your Fishing Buddies.

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

'When an outboard goes overboard'

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

My Musical Influences

'Suddenly Jake was confronted by the dreaded raffler'

Michel de Montaigne

"Since when did my opinions become 'riffs'?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing.

'It's so ironic: I finally win a prize at a raffle and it has to be a free pedicure!'

Coarse Fishing.

Do not take fish by unathourized means.

'Nothing is biting, let's take a lunch break on that island.'

'Ken's back was bent at a rakish angle'

'What's it this time?'

Nobody Knows What They've Lost