Radio Caller Gifts

"Ask Sadie Advice Hour," what's your problem?! The other day, my grandpa tried driving to the corner store but got lost and ended up at the beach, six states away. How do I get him to realize it's time to stop driving without hurting his feelings? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time in 1863 when Grandpappy Cohen accidentally led a caravan of zoo-bound pelicans onto a field at Gettysburg. One particularly panicky pelican escaped and distracted General Lee, and the rest is history. Um ..

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

Could you send a plumber out? I think the washers have gone!

Mozart's very good, but can't beat Rossini for sandbox activities.

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

Non Thought For The Day.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Clive Anderson

Larry King

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

Office worker on desert island on cell phone: 'No, I haven't seen the minutes.'

'I'm Bored'

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"Boss, can you check the address again? I have a bad feeling about this one."

'I think I've found what's causing the radio's funny buzzing sound.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

Welcome to "The Ask Sadie Show," pre-Halloween edition. First caller is Zombie Eaton, from Schenectady. What's your problem?! Munch

Randi Rhodes

"How nice of you to call me out of the blue, young man. It so happens I have forty-five million just sitting in my piggy bank, and maybe having a broker wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

Feelings towards radios #2 Picket signs with pictures of radios on them

'Thank you for waiting. Please continue to hold and your call will bee answered as soon as we can.'

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

'Michelle, this is your brother, Paul, do you copy? Over...Paul to Michelle, do you read me?...'

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

Welcome to the "Ask Sadie" radio hour. You're on, Cleveland. What's YOUR problem?! My deadbeat brother-in-law won't leave. What do I do? For six months, he's been sleeping on my couch, watching my tv, and drinking my Dr. Pepper. Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Stalin liberated Eastern Europe and then didn't leave for 44 years. You're going to need a massive arms race, a containment strategy, and Sylvester Stallone. Now he's using my toothbrush.

"I suppose in your day, you would have called these, 'radio dinners'."

"I think I've found your transistor radio."

'I get 23 stations and a place to hang my coat!'