Racing Revelers Pillows

'...winning coxless four...'

'My feet are killing me.'

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

"'Fried Ham' on 3..."

First past the post.

'Enter, His Royal Globalness...'

A souped up car...

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'I hate snowboarders!'

"Why did we wait to get recliners?"

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

Hedge funds make billions from short selling Coronavirus stocks.

'It's an old football injury.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

Noel Fever

"And the crowd goes wild!! In all the wrongs ways."

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'What'd ya' think the Pope was gonna do in retirement?'

Couch Potatoes

The stockholders love our annual report! Scratch and sniff our bottom line and it smells like money!

"It's great that you both enjoy live music, but who are you and how did you get in our garage?"

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

Bus rally tour

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

"Same here. It's my first time too."

'Wee Orlando just tagged his first bus shelter.' 'That's ma boy.'

Biggest Hat Award

'I'm getting pretty tired of all these potholes.'

-"It would have been a photo finish..." -"Yes, but by the time our horse got there it was too dark for a photo!"

Jockey seat.