Race Day Strategist Pillows

'Funny how, before the race, you know exactly who will win, and after the race exactly why they didn't.'

"This year I'm TWICE as likely to win."

A day at the races

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Sloth 10K.

Smile

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'I hate running in the outside lane.'

'What a control freak!'

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

'That Brown bears watching!'

Bradley Wiggins

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Loser's Podium.

Get a life

'I thought you wanted to get more involved with sports.'

'Well, did you win or what?'

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

"Howard's gone on the Tour de France without his bicycle again."

The Tortoise and the Herring. Triathlon. I always knew that I'd pass him after the swimming portion of the race.

With the Inflatable Pocket Potty, you'll never have to wait in line again at the stadium.

'Psst - my wife works part time for the IRS!'

The Tortoise and NASCAR.

The baseball players psychiatrist.

"She's a little overworked but, depending on what happens next Sunday, I'll probably jump back on."

'I hear the meeting was cancelled last Saturday.' - 'Yeah. Someone drugged the hare.'

"A four-year, $60 million contract and he can't even do a decent end-zone dance!"

Race Horses See Big People.

Hurdles with Steps

"I can't believe we forgot to pack the car."

'Ha! Fake out!'

'Would you believe we forgot to put anything in the contract about him actually playing football?'