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Universe Challenge

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

Senior Jeopardy!

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"You don't have to answer that."

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Jerry Springer

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

At the celebrity jobcentre...

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

The Great Larrynx

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

And that's why I'm still single!