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Universe Challenge

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

'I don't know much about history, don't know much biology ... but we'll be OK if there's a round on song lyrics.'

Senior Jeopardy!

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

Dr. Kapuchnik, I notice that you've been quoting Dr. Phil a lot lately. That's because I'm hoping that if he sees me sucking up to him in the comics, he'll bankroll the TV-show proposal I sent to his production company, Gasbag Enterprises.

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

"You don't have to answer that."

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Bob Monkhouse

Jerry Springer

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

At the celebrity jobcentre...

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

'I wish someone would finally make that Oprah Winfrey shush! I would but I can't find the remote.'

This is a classic TV show called "Father Knows Best." Before Google obviously.

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

'Then in the next round, I said to Carol, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant...'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

The Great Larrynx

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

Academic Jeopardy - "This was Titian's favorite after-dinner dessert."

Orca Winfrey interviews Meghan Mackerel.