Quitting Social Media Pillows

"I have much less stress in my life now that I'm no longer on social media."

Facebook/Cambridge Analytica Scandal

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

Trapeze artist leaves sign saying 'I quit'!

"I just hit the lottery for a million bucks, so today I'm going to punch that timeclock for the last time."

"I find if I say we're having hashtag broccoli or hastag brussel sprouts, they are more apt to eat them."

"Well, buddy....a lot of people are missing that. Just look at the social media comments."

Grumpy Cow

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

"I had to close all my social media accounts. They were making me anti-social."

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

'Are you tweeting about this?'

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

Worried about the machines taking over? Don't be.

Shellfie

"You're allowed one facebook posting."

"The only downside to free-range is I can't get a Wi-Fi signal out here."

Unsocial Media

'Its going to be difficult to replace you. Especially on the salary we were paying.'

The trouble with trying to quit smoking.

"Log into nature"

"Someday I'll buy a little place in the country and take my finger off the Zeitgeist."

'Wow, someone's sent me a picture of my bum.'

Some Sanctions against Russia Are a Blessing in Disguise

"He quit online counseling. This gives him the same sympathy, but cheaper."

"Signal's gone! What's goin' on?"

'We should be hibernating, not cybernating.'

You should read a book once in a while, Al. Where do you think you'll end up by spending all your time on the internet? The White House?

"Am I not being funny enough?"

Couple sitting up in bed using tablets.

"I want out!"

The Patch.

'Maybe your computer is flipping into sleep mode is because it's 1:30 in the morning and time to go to bed.'