Quitting Drinking Pillows

'I was once teetotal, it was the worst two hours of my life!'

'...my dad recently gave up drinking and smoking and being able to tolerate sentient life forms.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Swimming is the healthiest sport. . . Because it's the only one where you can't smoke while you're doing it.'

Professional woman in pub

Uncle Sam: I want you..to live and pay taxes...stop smoking!

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Stopping smoking at work had given Tim the energy to explore his creativity ... 'And I like to call this my dance of the fourth quarters 'profit and loss' account.'

F1 - Quit Smoking.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

'I see you've managed to cut your coffee consumption in half.'

'This should be good. He just won the lottery!'

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

'Nevermore.'

Nicotine Gum

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

Stop smoking,instantly.

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

"Apparently, he had occasional sober periods."

Trapeze artist leaves sign saying 'I quit'!

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'Now I understand why people want to give them up.'

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

'I finally kicked the fire breathing habit, now I'm stuck on mints and I'm gaining weight.'

'I can see you're going to be a bit of a challenge.'

'I'm worried. I gave up smoking without any trouble.'

Vaping cigarette

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

"Bye! good luck with the 'stop smoking 'campaign!"

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'