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Animal Book Club

'Why do you knock them back so quickly?' - 'I had one stolen once.'

'...then he asked me to drive down the road with the mobile to give him phone sex.'

'My love life? Well, when a policeman gave me a ticket through the open car window, he touched my shoulder. Does that count?'

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"It'h thnowing. . .me no like thnow in thpring. . . "

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

A boy acting suspiciously

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

How I met your mother

Fishing.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Eye of newt, not eye of tiger."

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Hog Futures

Centaur falls in love.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Nobody's reding our company blog,we need you to have sex with Mrs Miggins so that we can spice it up!

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Newton discovers surrealism