Quirky Requests Appreciator Gifts

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Rent a Room With Hot Water

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

The songwriter who wrote a bridge about his bridge.

'Yes, Super-Supreme pizza... Delivered please...'

Day in, day out, dodging traffic, dashing back and forth. And for what? Nuts. My whole life wasted on a bunch of nuts.

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

"Are you binge watching again?"

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

"Jack and Nina's concern grew when their son, James, confided in them that his imaginary friend was, in fact, a short-tempered snapping turtle."

'These are humans. Normally they are quite harmless, but if you touch their food or make fun of their beliefs they can become VERY aggressive.'

Spring Rituals

"Could you watch my elephant while I nip out a minute?"

A chemist misunderstanding the request of a lady after a way to clean gloves.

'And most importantly, can you handle an oversized pepper mill?'

'The last thing I knew he was on a plane to an obedience school in Omaha!'

'Oh yeah. . . she's the one that has a great personality.'

"My boss combines the impulsive joie de vivre of Ebenezer Scrooge with the empathy and comradeship of a tarantula. Less hair, though."

"An old man uses a stick grabber to pick up a cigarette."

Sign on a shopper: 'Yes actually I do own the pavement'.

Man says: 'It's got quite a nose ... I'm getting notes of nutmeg, a whiff of autumn harvest and rain-sodden undergrowth, and with a tart, elderberry finish. Not bad for a urine sample, eh Doc?'

'Come on, push me: I did it for you...'

'All of your issues are prickly issues.'

Do you have to smack your tongue when you chew? Says the guy who spits his fingernails everywhere. Peccadilloes.

"I have heated your beer in the microwave because you told me you like hot drinks!"

Complaints Department

"Well, there are cat people and dog people and..."

"It's alright,lady-cleaning 'em yesterday qualifies you for a freebie today!"