Quirky Perk Appreciator Gifts

"Some of us negotiate our contracts better than others."

'These are job perks.'

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

Rent a Room With Hot Water

-"What has this got to do with communication?" -"It's my invention...the hand smiley."

'... and finally, to my business partner I leave my corporate parking space.'

'We can't cut entitlements for federal employees. We're federal employees.'

'Puppies' at that playful stage where he likes to rearrange the furniture.'

Perks

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

'I warned you not to ask for a shorter work week.'

Viking with bike handlebars on helmet.

Jumbo in Henrik Ibsen's The Wild Duck

'Arthur loves his new job with the fairground - gets a company car as well.'

'The company had a good quarter, so we've decided to give you that company vehicle you've been wanting.'

Man reacts to being goosed. Caption: The secret work of Doberman Pinschers

I suppose this probably counts as an adverse event.

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

"...so you then developed an addiction to buying toilet rolls. Wasn't that rather expensive?"

'Right, I'll see the chap who thinks he's a fly next.'

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

"One large with cheese, pepperoni and grass clippings."

'There there how were you to know it wasn't Jeremy Beadle.'

May I have your frequent flier points and corporate parking space, sir?

Foolish Sid turns to look, and is immediately tackled and devoured by the duck.

"Are you binge watching again?"

Deadpan Delivery.

'These are humans. Normally they are quite harmless, but if you touch their food or make fun of their beliefs they can become VERY aggressive.'

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

A Drive-By Glutening

"I can't believe how COMPETITIVE the job market has gotten. The company I interviewed at today already has 16 employees who can burp the ABCs!"

'The last thing I knew he was on a plane to an obedience school in Omaha!'