Quirky Relationship Expert T-Shirts

"It started as a little harmless tree-hugging and sort of grew from there."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

What Guys Say and What They Mean,

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'Honestly! You really ought to see someone about that cough of yours.'

'You've changed since we got married.'

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

'I don't know about you, but he was really beginning to get on my nerves.'

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"Just tell us who's winning."

"Does it say 'I'm ovulating'?"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"It says here we should get a lodger."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"All parents fight."

"I do love you, Robin, but I'm not sure I'm ready for a full-on commitment yet."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, sister? People were right: Now that gay people in all 50 states can marry, it's destroyed marriage altogether. My husband Larry just left me and moved in with Earl the plumber. First of all, ma'am, I'm pretty sure you have no idea how these things work. The supreme court gave Larry the gay. How do I undo the gay?

"The secret of our relationship? Easy. She just acts as if I don't even exist."

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'You disgust me; but I like it.'

"My husband finally taught him to use the toilet but can't convince him to give up kitty litter."

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ah-ha! Just in time to make my dinner!"

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"