Quirky Metaphor Lover Gifts

'Son, it's time you learned about the pterodactyls and the trilobites....'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Astral Projection

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

'Can I have flies with that'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

He wanted a different one.

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

Litter Tray Stonehenge

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)

Toenail clipping missile.

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

Out of control

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

Crane fishing