Quirky Metaphor Lover Gifts

'Son, it's time you learned about the pterodactyls and the trilobites....'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"You left this on our ship."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

Toenail clipping missile.

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)

Out of control

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

Crane fishing

'There's a software glitch. The drones have built a hive and are trying to make honey.'